PEPPA PIG

If it weren't for you I wouldn't know anything about Peppa and her family. But here I am, such a fan of the stories that I am spending time in Paris looking for her merchandise. Silly, perhaps, but so true...I found a whole case of books about her adventures today after I bought lollipops for you. And I can't wait to bring them back for you. I loved seeing you today and watching you play at your Mama's work. You looked like you were very happy. Your Daddy didn't get to spend alot of time with his Nana but he spent alot of time with his Grandfather. He traveled with him many places in an old brown van. It was a camper van and it had a bed in the back and not enough seats for everyone to ride safely. Maggie and Adam didn't have car seats and I'm afraid that was probably illegal. Maggie was your age. Actually, she was a little bit older: she had her 4th birthday right before we went on the trip to Canada. I can remember wanting her to be more independent but, that wasn't realistic because she was 4 years old! Not a baby, but not big enough to carry much of her own backpack, or even a purse. Or push a stroller. I remember when we got to Seattle to visit my friend Lola and she was jumping on one of Lola's bed and told Lola that her Dad was gone. And he was: very gone. And she was alone with her Mom and her infant brother and her Grandfather. I have a beautiful photo of her on the beach with her Grandfather and your Daddy. But it wasn't easy for her to lose her Daddy like that, for reasons she couldn't understand.

I want to remember my Mom, but she wasn't in alot of my life. I'm sure she saw your Dad after he was born. At the time she was living in Iowa, working full-time, and said she was praying for him because she was so afaid of home birth, even though Auntie Maggie was born at home and so I had done it before. But I don't remember her telling me her opinion about it. Or her fears. I know she had bad feelings about herself being born at home because she told me. She said that her mother didn't even care about her enough to go to a hospital. That her parents didn't want to spend money on her even before she was born. She sounded so sad when she told me. And worried that my kids would feel that way too: that I didn't care if they lived or died. Grandma Joyce had questions about alot of the decisions I made. And a few judgements about how she wanted me to live my life. Also silly because she can only be herself and live her life, not mine, I'm already in charge of mine, and being me. I'm convinced that it's important to let people live their own authentic lives and not mess up any more than possible with their preferences. It's way easier to just wait until their preferences change.